You know you've made the greatest decision of your life. You found the perfect man. You found your soulmate. You found the ONE.
You now have a husband! A husband who gently wakes you up with a soft kiss and a, "Good morning my beautiful bride..." He's made breakfast because he knows how difficult your day is if you don't start it off properly. "Don't worry about the mess I made in the kitchen. I'll clean it up before you get home," he assures you. You can feel the very adoration emanating from his sweet touch.
You now have a husband! A husband who skipped his lunchbreak just so he could call you at work and see how your day is going. It's been an extremely difficult day at work but you don't want your coworkers to hear you complain so you tell him you're fine. But you have a husband. A husband who knows his bride. He's expertly read between the lines of your vague Facebook post and knows what he should do. He leaves work early so he can get home before you. When you get home from work he greets you at the door, "You don't need to say a thing," he says as he hands you a glass of wine. "There's a hot bath waiting for you and I'm making your favorite dinner. Now go relax! You deserve this after what you've dealt with today." With the most tender kiss he sends you to the master bath. As you slowly slip into the tub that is filled with bubbles and surrounded by your absolute favorite scented candles it hits you: you now have a husband!
Hello? Are you still there? It looked like you were daydreaming... Anyway, husbands... First of all every little girl dreams of their wedding day. As you slowly make your way down the aisle you see the man of your dreams with the biggest smile on his face bravely holding back tears from his splitting headache. He's a bit hungover you see.
You know you've made the greatest decision of your life. Well a big one at least. You found a man. You found a mate. You found the ONE. Well the first ONE at least. If he ends up being a jerk you're gone!
You now have a husband! A husband who wakes you up with a loud fart and a, "Gah! Do you smell this?!" He didn't make breakfast. Doesn't he know how difficult your day is if you don't start it off properly?! "The kitchen's a mess. You gonna clean this today?" he asks you. You can sort of feel adoration emanating from his hand squeezing your left boob.
You now have a husband! A husband who skipped his lunchbreak just so he could finish that level on his video game. It's been an extremely difficult day at work but he hasn't called so you could complain to someone. Jerk! You have a husband. A husband who knows who he should start on his fantasy football team this weekend. He hit "like" on your vague Facebook post. He leaves work early so he can get home before you. When you get home from work he greets you with a firm slap on the butt, "Sup babe," he says as he opens another beer. "The kitchen is still a mess. What are you making dinner? And babe you're kinda funky. You should probably shower!" With another hard slap on your butt he sends you to the bathroom. As you slip into the shower you're surrounded by the absolute worst poop smell. It smells like something died! Like how could that smell come out of a living person?! It's then that it hits you: you now have a husband!
Hardy har har har! :-p
ReplyDelete